Reminiscing

I try to remember the most important moments of my life in realizing who I am and why. My purpose being to express how I became a decent human through all of that trauma. My mind keeps going back to my early 20’s, sleeping on the floor in front of a wood burning stove, Howard Stern on the radio because that’s all we had. I never had to live that way, but I chose it to be with someone I loved. Wow I really had some seriously toxic attachment issues.

I have always thought it was admirable to go down in flames for someone you love. I don’t know where I got that from, because no one ever did that for me. After 45 years, I can acknowledge that was my downfall, among other things. The only person you should go down in flames for is yourself!!!

Really be on fire for yourself and everything else is already in place for you. We’re the ones that veer off of our path and think we know better. That brings me to ego, most everyone’s downfall but definitely mine. I’ve had to be humbled many times. I’ve learned so much about myself and life. I just need to figure out how to express it in a helpful way.

I have lived many tragic lives and still remain hopeful and naive in ways that even I don’t understand. It has worked for me and I’m sure it could be helpful but at the least entertaining. I’m making another move to get closer to my goals.

You can do everything the way you think it should be and still you will never achieve your dreams. As soon as you stop and focus on bettering yourself, then you begin to live your dreams. Everyone has flaws but acknowledging your faults and correcting behavior is the way to be better.

Do not attach yourself to anyone, until you are sure of who you are and what you want out of life. Attaching yourself to the wrong soul drags you down and takes years of your life that you will never get back. You can do everything on your own, far better and easier than you can with the wrong person. I am a testament to that. My most successful years have been without a partner. I only regret that it took so long for me to learn this.

Being in the wrong place with the wrong person, will make everything go the wrong way. There’s always a way out and you can start over a million times, there’s no limit.